How do I get myself into these things? maybe I am insane. Maybe for once one of my poems is true. I am the physical manifestation of everything I hate. I am too protective, a push over, I try to make everyone happy [always a recipe for failure btw]. It just seems the more I try the more I hurt the one person who means anything and the most to me. It's just things snowball. It starts off as a little feelings of self doubt, "You are not doing a so good job at being a boyfriend there buddy boy". Then it rolls from self-doubt kept to myself to spoken word shared with Christine. From me sharing my uncertainty with Christine it hits the ? mark block and mushrooms into a whole war about how things are. I know I am a sad excuse for a boyfriend right now. But I am trying. I try hard. Every single second of every single day. Its torture at its worst when the one person who is constantly on my mind is the one person who can even barely stand loving me if associating with me at all. I am crazy I know that. I am not even denying the fact that I can be a dick sometimes. But I never do it out of spite. I always try to have the best in mind and that is something I have a hard time articulating I suppose. I am just afraid [on being protective] of something hurting little flower that I lose it. I over think things is what happens. I end up hurting things way more than anyone else. Me. I will gladly take all the blame where blame is due. And the worst part about all this is that despite what is said or who says what to who, I know in my heart we are good for each other and love each other.